Monday, October 24, 2005

Random musings

We all are young, and we have dreams about our future. Some of these dreams we can achieve on our own. These are the easy ones. There are other dreams which we build around other people. Long term goals, future plans. Who’s to say our future will be to plan? Who’s to say jobs will be as easy to find ten years down the line? Who’s to say you wife will not run away with her colleague? Who’s to say, you friends will not drive drunk and leave you paralyzed limb down for life?

What you have is your today. And if you’re not happy with what you have, you probably will never be. People are too busy trying to make their future secure, secure mind you not happy, that the present is full of shit. 14 hours work, half a pack of cigarette a day, two square meals with multiple coffee breaks, six hours of sleep. And no body is complaining since everybody else is doing it too.

Today, my today is going down the drain and I am satisfied with just a meek ‘too bad’. On the other hand why don’t I just take care of my today, and if I do it consistently for the rest of my life will not my future take care of itself?

Let’s face it, we don’t really know what the future has in store for us. And what we don’t know, we fear. And what we fear, we try to avoid. So we do things we feel will not jeopardize our future. We play safe. And yet some of us do get fucked up.

Some of us find out that we’ve been fucked up. Some of us don’t even realize it. Perception is confused as a satisfactory reality. It may be sufficient to avoid pissing us off, but it’s not the reality. Reality may be that no matter how hard you work you might still get passed over for that bosses’ favorite. Reality might be that the love of your life might have had loves of her own before you and is planning more ahead. You’ve seen it happen with other people, who’s to say it’s not happening with you or can’t? What you perceive may just be a cruel joke you haven't had the exposure to understand.

So what’s stopping me from enjoying now? Why am I still putting in 12 hours of work a day? Why am I saving for a house over mine and S's head? Why is it that I don’t even think of flirting around although she’s miles away from me? I miss her so much, but should I? Is sanity holding me back, or is it madness?

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